I'm fixing a hole

I'm disappointed in myself. :(

Math at 11

I was told by the sky about you and I
about how it feels when your feet sink through sun soaked sand
about how it feels for a freed bird to fly

I was told by a rock how humans mock
mock things they don't understand
mock things they are afraid of
I was told by a mocking bird how humans are deaf

lying there and staring at the sieling wait for a sleepy feeling

I've tried so hard with that situation, and have gotten nothing in return, I'm done. You screwed my feelings and efforts into the ground fuck you.

On another note. I have not done my reading, I have been smoking, not eating right, and not working out...who am I?
fuck if I know.
Still no response from the doctor on what's been going on with my digestion. cool.
I'm stuck in a rut of things I know aren't good for me, yet I do them anyway.
I spend too much time on the computer and too little time on being outside and doing schoolwork. I feel like such a debbie downer lately. :( I'm sorry.

I am a rock

You can drop me off here
No, no, don't worry I'll be fine
all I need is a good idea and a single dime

I can walk for miles I have no fear
the clouds the sky the birds how sublime
I vow to take in such surroundings as if I were a mime

Oh my dreams they seem so near
I want to ride I want to jump I want to read,learn,dance, and climb
I want to drink the tart juices of life like I would from a fresh lime

lets go surf

I stand to let it seep
saturate my pores with invisible things
warmth touches my skin my cells my atoms my eternal being
excites me with thoughts of things to come
molds the loneliness of winter into the thawed sweetness of spring
fix my posture
stand up straight
look up
slowly close my eyes

i stand to let it seep
saturate my pores with invisible things
warmth touches my skin my cells my atoms my eternal being
I close my eyes
dreams carve the contours of my mind
the rivers of thought,
splashing the back of my eyelids with visions
visions of what I want to be
what I want to do
Where I want to go
flicking different pieces of the ideas of past present and future together
producing memories-
smells of sweet
smells of bitter
tastes of tart...
wait- a fleck of gold found
the arm of longing extends to pull it closer
the hand of want spreads to grasp the vague discovery
pastels begin to rearrange the textures, the lines, the shapes, the hues
oh, i see now,
i understand
i remember

open my eyes
take in a deep smooth breath of cool air
the sun shifts hiding its face behind a slightly transparent cloud
keep walking

dick 20th

dear readers,

Theres a limit to your love. like a water fall in slow motion. like a map with no ocean.
theres a limit to your love your love your love.

umm that doesnt make sense to me right now

I just felt like typing that sorry.

but something that does make sense,

I know only me can save me.
true. very true. lots of people need to realize that too.
damn
(this all has to do with a song im listening to.)

I don't miss anyone.
The only people I would miss Ive seen in the past week. right on.

So today I went to the city with the summer crew minus lisa and k arv

it was good to be with everyone again. kinda like a miny reunion. me likey.
I miss that. by the way.

and im tired as balls right now so im going to sleep night hoes.

HMM ALLRIGHT SO

OK. so. today I worked out. I felt like i couldn't run as long as i could before. shits weak. I need to bust my ass to get into better shape. I get this body once in my life, I get one chance to be young .... why waste it being not in optimum health? Wow, I probably sound like some kinda of freak..but then again i don't give a shit what you think. ha ha wow I'm bad ass aren't i? NOT. well anyway plus I want to model.... so i obviously need to be in tip top shape. blah. Also, I was thinking today while i was taking a bubble bath that I have friends at school, yet I don't....because if I did, I would miss them over this break, and so far, it's just the opposite. Maybe I will find some people I could miss second semester.... Oh and I am very disappointed in the selection of men I have witnessed at school. creepy creepsters. fuckinA guys why do you just want some ass? I mean sure I get in moods too, where I'm like yeye lets do this... where i don't care about whether i see you or not the next day but shit I'm not like that every Friday Saturday night of my life.... goddamn when will you people grow up? Personally I like to be surprised, and I don't like it all in one night. So maybe we have different interests but shit you kind of gross me out.

yuck.

and I've also realized I really like the new Feist CD. yeah dude.

Also I'm thinking about double majoring....with art ed and dietetics...because I have an odd obsession with nutrition and the workings of the body that utilize that nutrition. Ha I was like "I can write my own book and illustrate it too!" GOD I'M SO FUNNY.....AS;FHASFLKJHFJ

my sleeping habits are so FUCKED. I just need to relax. I need to get away dammit. For a long time. I need to think. and do.

think do think do think do

This is my dream life:

Eat fish and nuts and fruit and veggies for every meal.
Live in a cute apt. in a city.
work out for as long as I want whenever I want.
Have a big open space to do yoga in my apt.
Be a high profile model, preferably a VS it girl...but we all know you need boobs for that job. shit.
travel to odd lands and do odd things...like yoga on a mountain top, intense hiking in a jungle...float for hours in the dead sea.
Help with humanitarian organizations.
paint and draw and write.
Have my very own thinking rock in that creek I described two posts ago.
Have my own sailing boat...or a speed boat.
have my own kick ass mountain bike, some great hiking shoes, an awesome backpack and a fantastic snowboard and all the sweet accessories and a place to do it at.
be able to sit down and read great books, one on top of the other (I always say this but number one i can never find a great book number two I never have the attention span to finish it if i do happen to find one...I'm weird)
Oh and duh, long board and surf for hours and hours.
Buy my mom and dad a beautiful house on a lake.
same for my sister and dan.
buy my gandma and grandpa's old house back for them.
Oh yeah and have fuckin awesome parties at my apt.

Annnnnd that's a lot of stuff. But yeah It's a life so yeah it will include a alot.


by the way
shes dead on and i wish everyone would take this into high consideration. you rule pocahontas.