dear readers,
Theres a limit to your love. like a water fall in slow motion. like a map with no ocean.
theres a limit to your love your love your love.
umm that doesnt make sense to me right now
I just felt like typing that sorry.
but something that does make sense,
I know only me can save me.
true. very true. lots of people need to realize that too.
damn
(this all has to do with a song im listening to.)
I don't miss anyone.
The only people I would miss Ive seen in the past week. right on.
So today I went to the city with the summer crew minus lisa and k arv
it was good to be with everyone again. kinda like a miny reunion. me likey.
I miss that. by the way.
and im tired as balls right now so im going to sleep night hoes.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
HMM ALLRIGHT SO
OK. so. today I worked out. I felt like i couldn't run as long as i could before. shits weak. I need to bust my ass to get into better shape. I get this body once in my life, I get one chance to be young .... why waste it being not in optimum health? Wow, I probably sound like some kinda of freak..but then again i don't give a shit what you think. ha ha wow I'm bad ass aren't i? NOT. well anyway plus I want to model.... so i obviously need to be in tip top shape. blah. Also, I was thinking today while i was taking a bubble bath that I have friends at school, yet I don't....because if I did, I would miss them over this break, and so far, it's just the opposite. Maybe I will find some people I could miss second semester.... Oh and I am very disappointed in the selection of men I have witnessed at school. creepy creepsters. fuckinA guys why do you just want some ass? I mean sure I get in moods too, where I'm like yeye lets do this... where i don't care about whether i see you or not the next day but shit I'm not like that every Friday Saturday night of my life.... goddamn when will you people grow up? Personally I like to be surprised, and I don't like it all in one night. So maybe we have different interests but shit you kind of gross me out.
yuck.
and I've also realized I really like the new Feist CD. yeah dude.
Also I'm thinking about double majoring....with art ed and dietetics...because I have an odd obsession with nutrition and the workings of the body that utilize that nutrition. Ha I was like "I can write my own book and illustrate it too!" GOD I'M SO FUNNY.....AS;FHASFLKJHFJ
my sleeping habits are so FUCKED. I just need to relax. I need to get away dammit. For a long time. I need to think. and do.
think do think do think do
This is my dream life:
Eat fish and nuts and fruit and veggies for every meal.
Live in a cute apt. in a city.
work out for as long as I want whenever I want.
Have a big open space to do yoga in my apt.
Be a high profile model, preferably a VS it girl...but we all know you need boobs for that job. shit.
travel to odd lands and do odd things...like yoga on a mountain top, intense hiking in a jungle...float for hours in the dead sea.
Help with humanitarian organizations.
paint and draw and write.
Have my very own thinking rock in that creek I described two posts ago.
Have my own sailing boat...or a speed boat.
have my own kick ass mountain bike, some great hiking shoes, an awesome backpack and a fantastic snowboard and all the sweet accessories and a place to do it at.
be able to sit down and read great books, one on top of the other (I always say this but number one i can never find a great book number two I never have the attention span to finish it if i do happen to find one...I'm weird)
Oh and duh, long board and surf for hours and hours.
Buy my mom and dad a beautiful house on a lake.
same for my sister and dan.
buy my gandma and grandpa's old house back for them.
Oh yeah and have fuckin awesome parties at my apt.
Annnnnd that's a lot of stuff. But yeah It's a life so yeah it will include a alot.
by the way
shes dead on and i wish everyone would take this into high consideration. you rule pocahontas.
yuck.
and I've also realized I really like the new Feist CD. yeah dude.
Also I'm thinking about double majoring....with art ed and dietetics...because I have an odd obsession with nutrition and the workings of the body that utilize that nutrition. Ha I was like "I can write my own book and illustrate it too!" GOD I'M SO FUNNY.....AS;FHASFLKJHFJ
my sleeping habits are so FUCKED. I just need to relax. I need to get away dammit. For a long time. I need to think. and do.
think do think do think do
This is my dream life:
Eat fish and nuts and fruit and veggies for every meal.
Live in a cute apt. in a city.
work out for as long as I want whenever I want.
Have a big open space to do yoga in my apt.
Be a high profile model, preferably a VS it girl...but we all know you need boobs for that job. shit.
travel to odd lands and do odd things...like yoga on a mountain top, intense hiking in a jungle...float for hours in the dead sea.
Help with humanitarian organizations.
paint and draw and write.
Have my very own thinking rock in that creek I described two posts ago.
Have my own sailing boat...or a speed boat.
have my own kick ass mountain bike, some great hiking shoes, an awesome backpack and a fantastic snowboard and all the sweet accessories and a place to do it at.
be able to sit down and read great books, one on top of the other (I always say this but number one i can never find a great book number two I never have the attention span to finish it if i do happen to find one...I'm weird)
Oh and duh, long board and surf for hours and hours.
Buy my mom and dad a beautiful house on a lake.
same for my sister and dan.
buy my gandma and grandpa's old house back for them.
Oh yeah and have fuckin awesome parties at my apt.
Annnnnd that's a lot of stuff. But yeah It's a life so yeah it will include a alot.
by the way
shes dead on and i wish everyone would take this into high consideration. you rule pocahontas.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
OH BY THE WAY
TOP SHELF THINKING
I will explain. Top shelf thinking is what a lot of people now-a-days need to do.
No more of this Im in the basement of my mind pacing, thinking, waiting, wishing, fuckin stop people. Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life....as Michael buble so states. fish in the sea, you know how i feel, river runnin free, you know how i feel, blossom on the tree, you know how i feel.....everyone, including myself, needs to walk up those steep stairs, watch your step..don't fall, that's embarrassing....anyway walk up those stairs get to the top shelf of your mind sit, up look around, breath some air and realize that you can be free of worrying because whatever you're worrying about wont last. realize that yeah you can say well being happy wont last either, well shit man it could if you learn that being happy isnt always a text book definition is it? NO. so get out of the basement go outside look at nature jump around, play. quit taking everything so literal and serious! yeah, dare to think about weird things...dare to make a snowball even if you're by yourself...dare to scream dicks in your head...i guarantee you will laugh. and if you don't then you actually are fuckin weird and maybe you need to go back down to the basement because not being weird is death.
I will explain. Top shelf thinking is what a lot of people now-a-days need to do.
No more of this Im in the basement of my mind pacing, thinking, waiting, wishing, fuckin stop people. Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life....as Michael buble so states. fish in the sea, you know how i feel, river runnin free, you know how i feel, blossom on the tree, you know how i feel.....everyone, including myself, needs to walk up those steep stairs, watch your step..don't fall, that's embarrassing....anyway walk up those stairs get to the top shelf of your mind sit, up look around, breath some air and realize that you can be free of worrying because whatever you're worrying about wont last. realize that yeah you can say well being happy wont last either, well shit man it could if you learn that being happy isnt always a text book definition is it? NO. so get out of the basement go outside look at nature jump around, play. quit taking everything so literal and serious! yeah, dare to think about weird things...dare to make a snowball even if you're by yourself...dare to scream dicks in your head...i guarantee you will laugh. and if you don't then you actually are fuckin weird and maybe you need to go back down to the basement because not being weird is death.
no im kidding
hmmmm so today I was sitting in my bed and listening to feist...lol..
and I realized that I really wanted to my sitting on a large flat stone suspended in the middle of a running creek...in the moonlight listening to the water smoothly rush by and that i wanted to dip my fingertips into the cool water and watch the designs that my spread fingers created on the moonlit surface of the water. I wish it was that type of night where its really quiet outside and the only thing you can here is a calm wind slipping its way through the branches of near by trees. I tried to draw the picture i had in my head but i think it would take way more concentration than i was willing to put into it at the time. here are some things i wish to accomplish in the near future:
get back into yoga
start up my really healthy eating again
try some news things
get some damn champagne because i love it
meet some new people
meet a guy
i love the snow outside but i really do wish it wasn't winter.
by the way I gave this kid my number when i was a Starbucks the other night (he works there) and i told him to call me after he got off work...ha
and...he did. and we hung out along with kris and lis
it was funny because the three of us (lis kris and i) are fuckin hilarious when we get together...so anyway this kid is a kid that i saw along time ago..during the summer when we were in Starbucks and i gave him a bouncy ball in his tip jar hahah ...but he was alot cuter then...he needs to not be in an "emo" phase. ew. so three years ago. sick nast. anyway i figured why the hell not? because i think hes still kind of cute and secondly i wanted to see whether he would actually call me back. which was a success.... HA. but not i feel kind of bad because he seems to like me and i don't know about that.. hahah alright that's all i have on that situation right now. ill update later. baahahah as if anyone gives a SHIT
sck my dck
i really want to learn how to surf. I want to go to cali and stay with my aunt and cousins for a month or so and long board and learn how to surf and get a killer tan. shit there are so many things I want to do/ need to do/ yearn to do. blahhhh if only i had some money, and if only all of the places i applied to a month ago WOULD CALL ME BACK. adk;ljgdlfdljkg oh well their goddamn loss. just kidding if i want money i need to be more ambitious than that. but seriously sometimes i lose the want to do anything ....all i want to do is get a care of some sort, get lis and kris and kris and just hit the road, but seriously what person my age doesn't feel that way? DEPRESSING. i am just another brick in the goddamn wall but then not....see this is what my thoughts are like I'm really a glass is half full person and then at the same time i get those thoughts of how I'm dust in the wind and then I'm like hey you know what thas bull shit, and actually no fun at all to think that way, so then i cut the crap and realize, hey April...you need to go to bed.
and I realized that I really wanted to my sitting on a large flat stone suspended in the middle of a running creek...in the moonlight listening to the water smoothly rush by and that i wanted to dip my fingertips into the cool water and watch the designs that my spread fingers created on the moonlit surface of the water. I wish it was that type of night where its really quiet outside and the only thing you can here is a calm wind slipping its way through the branches of near by trees. I tried to draw the picture i had in my head but i think it would take way more concentration than i was willing to put into it at the time. here are some things i wish to accomplish in the near future:
get back into yoga
start up my really healthy eating again
try some news things
get some damn champagne because i love it
meet some new people
meet a guy
i love the snow outside but i really do wish it wasn't winter.
by the way I gave this kid my number when i was a Starbucks the other night (he works there) and i told him to call me after he got off work...ha
and...he did. and we hung out along with kris and lis
it was funny because the three of us (lis kris and i) are fuckin hilarious when we get together...so anyway this kid is a kid that i saw along time ago..during the summer when we were in Starbucks and i gave him a bouncy ball in his tip jar hahah ...but he was alot cuter then...he needs to not be in an "emo" phase. ew. so three years ago. sick nast. anyway i figured why the hell not? because i think hes still kind of cute and secondly i wanted to see whether he would actually call me back. which was a success.... HA. but not i feel kind of bad because he seems to like me and i don't know about that.. hahah alright that's all i have on that situation right now. ill update later. baahahah as if anyone gives a SHIT
sck my dck
i really want to learn how to surf. I want to go to cali and stay with my aunt and cousins for a month or so and long board and learn how to surf and get a killer tan. shit there are so many things I want to do/ need to do/ yearn to do. blahhhh if only i had some money, and if only all of the places i applied to a month ago WOULD CALL ME BACK. adk;ljgdlfdljkg oh well their goddamn loss. just kidding if i want money i need to be more ambitious than that. but seriously sometimes i lose the want to do anything ....all i want to do is get a care of some sort, get lis and kris and kris and just hit the road, but seriously what person my age doesn't feel that way? DEPRESSING. i am just another brick in the goddamn wall but then not....see this is what my thoughts are like I'm really a glass is half full person and then at the same time i get those thoughts of how I'm dust in the wind and then I'm like hey you know what thas bull shit, and actually no fun at all to think that way, so then i cut the crap and realize, hey April...you need to go to bed.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Im wide awake its morning
allllllllllllllllrgit
this is why I can't sleep:
1. I am about to make a large change in who I have been hanging out with becuase this group does not fit me. But I dont want to hurt feelings.
2. I have a shit load of things that I need to do this week for my classes.
3. I have to tell someone that they can't room with me becuase I honestly dont think I can live with someone with that low of slef esteem.
4. I have to change some of my classes for next semester but it's still all up in the air as far as what I am going to take, and if I can fit it in.
5. I am sick a tired of needy girls who act like my mom.
6. I hate it when I don't have things under control.
yeah, I guess I feel better.............NOT.
Goodnight, but not really, becuase it's neither good nor night.
this is why I can't sleep:
1. I am about to make a large change in who I have been hanging out with becuase this group does not fit me. But I dont want to hurt feelings.
2. I have a shit load of things that I need to do this week for my classes.
3. I have to tell someone that they can't room with me becuase I honestly dont think I can live with someone with that low of slef esteem.
4. I have to change some of my classes for next semester but it's still all up in the air as far as what I am going to take, and if I can fit it in.
5. I am sick a tired of needy girls who act like my mom.
6. I hate it when I don't have things under control.
yeah, I guess I feel better.............NOT.
Goodnight, but not really, becuase it's neither good nor night.
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